End Things - 2005

Something that everyone needs is to be told that not everything you do is satisfactory, and that you have to do better. It is a life lesson.

-- Ludacris

We all fall in love and lose it over somebody, but it's 20 times more exciting to lose it over a guitarist."

-- advice columnist E. Jean Carroll

A purist will say that it was better at its inception, when the sound was an expression of something local and unique, before the money came, and strangers corrupted the music with their embrace.

-- Sasha Frere-Jones

Things always happen to me in good time, even when I can't see it at the time, whether it's meeting certain people, moving, or changing jobs. There are always signs that the time has come. So in 2004, when Boulevard Deli closed, the Music Journal lost one of our two precious full-page ads. Only Oasis Duplicating was left. For several miraculous months, I'd find a replacement ad, but then I had to scramble to find copy to put on page 2, which had always been ads. That was the first sign.

I took a month off from the paper in the fall of 2004 to move from Mechanicsville to the West End, and I didn't miss doing the paper. There was no outcry from the public. It was difficult to get back into the rhythm of the paper after the move. That was the second sign.

Then there was another price hike in the cost of newsprint! And Borders Books and Music moved their newspaper racks of local papers from a bad spot in the store to an even worse one. Finding good places to put the paper was a pain in the neck. You'd go back to some places and find another, worse paper that nobody wanted had put their pile on top of yours, and no one ever saw yours and all the copies were still there. Or store employees had moved it to some place where no one knew. That was the third and fourth sign.

When I started in 1993, I was using a black and white screen Mac Classic II computer, printing everything in Word 5.0 and cutting and pasting the copy onto big sheets of blue-lined cardboard. I didn't even have an email address. It was a slow, educational journey to shifting to QuarkXPress on an eMac and emailing an Acrobat file. 

I was excited about giving up music, about reading something besides Spin, Blender, and Rolling Stone. InSync and Britney Spears were not interesting to me. And getting married in 2001 was the end of going out to the clubs four and five nights a week to photograph local bands. I was getting too old to hang out at the places where the scene had shifted, Alley Katz and Nanci Raygun. So that was that.

My Craft Has Turned to Craft Beer

My husband had a weekend sound job and texted me after he got there that the Summer Moon Music Festival was at the same place where I used to have the Richmond Music Journal printed, the Hanover Herald Progress building. Only now it was the Center of the Universe Brewing Company. The Herald Progress had moved to a squat little brick building on Thompson Street in Ashland, between a feed store and a chiropractor.

I was filled with curiosity to see what had become of that building in the Hanover Air Park. For 11 years and two months, I drove out there at least twice a month to deliver my box of pasted up flats, and then to back up my little car at the loading dock and pick up from 1,000-2,000 papers. Toward the end, it was only one trip a month since technology made it possible to deliver my paper in the form of an emailed .pdf file. I wrote my check and got my papers. Easily 80 percent of everything I made those 11 years doing the paper went to pay the printer, maybe more.

I blew up two cars picking up and delivering that paper. The first, my old Toyota Corolla, was totaled on the Boulevard next to the porno shop and I chronicled that colorful incident on my other blog where it is my most-read blog post ever because it has the word porn in it. The trunk was full of my papers. I blew the engine out of my old Mercury Tracer on 295 heading from the printer to Innsbrook in 2001. My trunk was, again, full of papers. (Although the fact my trunk was full was not the cause of either disaster. It was just bad luck that I was on a delivery run both times.)

The newsroom that was my backup plan is no more. It's a tasting room.

The loading dock where I picked up my newspaper for 11 years.

My Front (and Back) Pages

When I started the paper in 1994, at first I didn't put a price, then I thought I should mention that it's free. So it said Free for a few issues, but on issue number six, I changed it to Very Free.

From there, I kept going.

Extraordinarily Free

Free if you play “Free Bird”

Free to a Good Home

Free if You’re Got A/C (this was the August issue, of course)

Free if you’re from around here

Free if you like a good beer buzz early in the morning (This one got mentioned in the Times-Dispatch during the Gwar/Flood Zone ruckus as indicative of the depravity of the alternative press.) It is, of course, a lyric from a Sheryl Crow song, "All I Wanna Do."

Cover photos in 1994 were of Jerry Garcia, The Seymores, Fulflej, Dean Owen, Lovesake, The Ernies, Boy O Boy, Steve Alberts, Mick and the Moondogs, Inertia, On Edge, Peter Bell,  and Gwar.

My full pages sold for $100, and the back page was a prime spot. Those supporting the paper so generously that first year were

King Kong Kases, Peter Headley (paid for by the Committee to Rename W. Cary Street Peter Headley Boulevard), The Bidder’s Suite, and local country musician Doug Price.

In our second year, I tended to use song lyrics as the modifier for free. Can you match the lyric with the song?

Free if you know the frequency, Kenneth

Free if penguins are so sensitive to your needs

Free if you’re the girl with the most cake

Free if you don’t know how it feels to be me

Free if the dude looks like a lady

Free if she don’t use jelly

Free if it’s good to be king

Free if you’d like to see a little more fat

Free if I kissed a girl

Free because I’m not sorry, it’s human nature

Free if we will get by, we will survive

Free because she’s a sad tomato

Peter Headley, Four Walls Falling, Iggy Pop, The Good Guys, Suzy Peeples, Bruce Olsen, Peter Headley (again), The Dude of Life, Wrenn Mangum, Mojo Nixon, The Ramones, Soul Asylum, Frog Legs, Joan Osbourne, Cynthia Lennon, Dave Matthews, Matthew Sweet, and Eddie Van Halen were our cover stories.

Our back page ads were Don Warner Music, Richmond Music Center (three times), King Kong Kases (five times!), Metro Sound and Music, and Los 10 Space. Scott Mills of Los 10 Space wanted me to post a photo of his ad.

Volume 3, 1995-96

Free because I've got one hand in my pocket

Free because despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage

Free if you're friends with P

Free because you can't talk to a psycho like a normal human being

Free if you're more human than human

Free because I'm just a girl, yes, I'm some kind of freak

Free so breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out

Free so pour your misery down on me

Free so tell me all your thoughts on God

Free because I've got nothing to believe in except for you

Free but who sucked out the feeling?

Free because we pay our debts on time

Cover stories on Tori Amos, James Taylor, Peter Frampton, Joan Jett, Princess Tone, Janet Martin Band, Gwar three times, Garbage, Serotonin, Ira Marlowe, Jethro Tull, Joan Osborne, Beavis and Butthead, Cold Gin, Dean Owen, Aimee Man, Steve Alberts of Dime Store Hoods, John Richardson of Bullfrog, Used Carlotta, REM

Volume 4, 1996-1997

Free so put your hand in my pocket, grab on to my rocket

Free because I love you so much, it makes me sick, uh-uhhh

Free because I hear the mission bells calling out your name again

Free so swallowed, followed, swallowed, oh no, I'm with everyone and yet not

Free because if it makes you happy, it can't be that bad

Free because I want soup, I want soup

Free because it's been a long time since I've had sweet thistle pie

Free so don't speak, I know what you're thinking

Free so sell out with me tonight

Free because it's a la la la la revolution

Free because I'm one angry dwarf

Free because I might as well be walking on the sun

Cover stories on Kiss twice, Avail, Beau Beau, Used Carlotta, Eileen Edmonds, Car Bomb, Cashmere Jungle Lords, Type O Negative, Janet Martin, Marilyn Mason, Poe, Thelma Shook twice, Dean Owen, Aerosmith, Live, Notam, Regan, In Clover twice, Slack Family, 100th Monkey, Stone Kitchen, Suzy Saxon, Wonder Boy, Dog Psychology, Picasso Jones, Copper Sails, Leon Milmore, Vulva Boy

Volume 5, 1997-1998

Free because look who's perfect now

Free because dogs like trucks

Free because I get knocked down but I get up again!

Free because they killed Kenny

Free because there she was, like double cherry pie

Free like disco lemonade

Free because maybe I'm amazed

Free because I did it my way

Free because we're dressed up in orange

Free because I'm not sick but I'm not well

Free because it's mmm...beefy

Free but no cigars

Cover stories on Mason Mills, Fleetwood Mac, 1.7, Pat Benatar, Bullets from Oz, Carbon Leaf, Superchunk. Then we started doing photo collage covers, then Photoshop covers of local photos dropped into spots of bigger photos of the White House, the Titanic, Frank Sinatra, South Park, and Marilyn Monroe

Volume 6, 1998-1999

Free because it tastes like cherry cola, 

Free because I'll be waving my hand watching you drown

Free if you party like it's 1999

Free if you have a ticket for a runaway train

Free because if it ain't eggs, it ain't breakfast

Free because you've got the music in you

Free may the frets be with you

Free if you wear sunscreen

Free if you're living la vida loca

Free if you're sick of Eyes Wide Shut publicity

Free if you're a beautiful stranger

Free if your reality has consequence

Cover photos of Elton John, Marilyn Manson, Bert Morgan, a Spice Girl, Robert E. Lee with a guitar, Teletubbies (All Negative, All the Time, negative news, negative views, we hate you, you stink), Hitler, Easter Peeps smoking, Tommy Rodriguez, Yoda,  a package of Trojans (this one caused a big fight with my then boyfriend because I found them in the glove compartment of his truck and we never did it in his truck), Star Trek, John F. Kennedy's plane going down,  Jackie Kennedy holding Cartman, and Dave Matthews

Volume 7, 1999-2000

Free if you smell a pig from a mile away

Free because we left Carytown

Free because we're Y2k compliant

Free because it's gooey

Free if you want to be a millionaire

Free if you're my Spanish Harlem Mona Lisa

Free if you're Elian Gonzalez

Free if you fathered Scully's baby

Free if oops, you did it again

Free if you're not so innocent

Free if you were voted off the island

Free if you're going bye, bye, bye

Cover stories celebrated our 7th year of being unsupportive of local music, Bert Morgan, a llama, politicians and Teletubbies, a bare butt (it's not the end of the Music Journal yet issue), dog sniffing a dog's butt, Southern Culture on the Skids, just crazy, assorted, meaningless artwork

Volume 8, 2000-2001

Free if you let the dogs out

Free if you have a hanging chad

Free if she bangs

Free if Eminem wins a Grammy

Free if you're 50 years old (that was me)

Free if you like eating stale peeps (that was for my boyfriend)

Free if you are the weakest link

Free and comes with a tax rebate

Free and I hope you dance

Free if you know where Chandra Levy is

Free if you've been bitten by a shark

Free, and so the world we know changes (9/11 had happened)

Cover photos were Gwar, Frog Legs, Dog Psychology, Dave Matthews, Ultra Bait twice, Rocket 69, Log, the World Trade Center towers

Volume 9, 2001-2002

Still free and starting our 9th year of hatefulness

Free of anthrax and free of price

Free if your guitar gently weeps (George Harrison had died)

Free if you are a confused American taliban

Free if you're a French skating judge

Free if you won an Academy Award

Free as Britney Spears

Free if "The Osbournes" is the best TV show ever

Free if you got a kitten and HBO this month (that must be about me)

Free if your well doesn't dry up (me again)

Free if you pray for Sharon Osbourne

Free because Ozzy won an Emmy

Cover photos were Osama Bin Laden, Bobby Jorgenson, George Harrison (who died), Bill Clinton and Paul McCartney together, Betty Grable, Britney Spears, Tommy Rock, Ozzy Osbourne with his baby, Yoda, a pin up girl, Ozzy and Sharon, the Fighting Irishman

Volume 10, 2002-2003

Free as we begin our 10th year

Free because Anna Nicole is so outrageous

Free if you have weapons of mass destruction

Free if Saddam has weapons of mass destruction

Free if you're the next American Idol

Free if you're embedded with a military unit

Free if you watch Spongebob Squarepants

Free if you voted for Clay (Aiken)

Free if you found Nemo

Free if you were assaulted by an NBA star

Free if you're voting for Arnold

Free if you've got power (this was Hurricane Isabel)

The covers were all collages of photos I had taken that month or people had sent in

Volume 11, 2003-2004

Free if you've kissed Madonna

Free because iTunes rules

Free if you are the Lord of the Rings

Free if Simon thinks you can sing

Free if you're naked before the song is through

Free for Bugboy (Frank Daniel had died)

Free if you're Chandler Bing

Free if you liked John Stevens

Free if you're Spiderman, too

Free if Jimmy Buffett ever has a No. 1

Free if you have a Purple Heart

Free for Swift Boat veterans

Covers were more collages, and too many photos of my husband's bands because that was all I was going to by then.

Volume 12, 2004-2005

Free if you TiVo it

Free if Spongebob is gay

I was doing an issue only once every two months, and then it was over. The last cover was a young band called Zero Hour and the paper was declared "the terminally ill" edition. I carried on a little while longer with web editions you could download as .pdfs as I still had reviewers writing about the CDs we were still receiving, but eventually that ended, too.

How We Gave the Ramones Head

From the June 1995 issue of Richmond Music Journal

By Mariane Matera

Another writer is handling the Ramones show at the Flood Zone, so my job is easy. Deliver a gift from Gwar's Dave Brockie to Joey Ramone. It's Hitler's head. I show up with Tammy Rosenson, the writer/photographer, at the soundcheck at 5:30 p.m., but even though it was arranged by the publicist, we're blown off. We go to dinner at Moondance with Hitler's head still in the bag.

After dinner, we hump back down to the Flood Zone carrying the head and stand on line to get in. Tammy, with two large bags of photo and interview equipment, is passed right through. I get stopped.

"What's in the bag?"

I've been waiting for this moment all my life.

"Hitler's head."

We get a spot at the rail upstairs. We're supposed to be called back to interview the Ramones at 8 p.m., but the opening band, Otis (not the local band Otis), starts precisely at eight. I tell Tammy if the Ramones summon, she'll have to take Hitler's head so I can stay behind and defend our position. It is too good a spot to lose. The Ramones don't summon us.

Otis plays a loud, hard, 30-minute set. Resetting the stage takes 15 minutes and Rocket 69, introducing themselves as "a Ramones cover band. This is our soundcheck," does a loud, hard-driving 30 minute set. Stage diving and body surfing have been banned. The audience is quiet and patient throughout. There's another 15 minute reset.

(The next day we talked to Mark Zip, the Los 10 Space drummer, who we spotted slamming in the pit. He said he got his face hit and it hurt real bad. He was kicked in the shins five times and it hurt real bad. Someone stomped on his Achilles heel and it hurt real bad. He was slammed up against the barricades and pummeled, and it hurt real bad.

"I had a great time!" he said.

But he didn't think the opening bands did. In his view, the sound was set for the Ramones and the opening bands had to deal with it. He said Rocket 69 especially got screwed. He's never heard them sound worse, but could tell from their faces they were playing their hearts out. That might explain Dan-o's testy comments opening his set about this being their soundcheck.

"You couldn't hear the kick at all and there was too much low-end bass," Mark thought. "And they didn't use the lights at all for the opening bands.")

For the Ramones' set, the roadies come out and tune and check the guitars and mics. A fourth of the crowd must have waited outside for the headliner because now the downstairs floor is wall to wall. Upstairs at the rails, it's only three deep and comfortable.

The lights dim, the crowd roars, and the band takes the stage about 9:45 p.m. A wall of lights behind them pretty much blinds us. Although we're the only ones who cleared a photo pass with the band, there's two photographers at the barricade wall, one of them Mark Holmberg of the Times-Dispatch.

The Ramones appear to be (to me) Howard Stern, Mike Garrett, and two other guys. They play with their legs spread far apart, although Joey seems knock-kneed. There's very little talk between songs. Halfway through, the roadies take off the guitar and bass player's leather jackets and hand them different guitars. Joey never takes his jacket or leather gloves off. The others are wearing Yoo Hoo soda, A Hard Day's Night, and Plan 9 T-shirts. Joey leaves the stage periodically when C.J., the bass player, whose voice projects better, does vocals.

They do 45 minutes, concluding with a "Gabba Gabba Hey" sign held up and a giant dancing monkey or something on the stage, and then come back for two three-song encores. By the second encore, the pit, which has been slamming, looks exhausted, but the Ramones don't even seem sweaty. The band has water-proof hair. A fan on the side of the stage keeps blow drying Johnny, spinning his hair around like a plate. At the beginning of the second encore, we are finally summoned upstairs.

I tote Hitler's head to the third floor where we wait, then we're moved to a holding area outside the dressing room. We're on line ahead of the band sluts. The road manager, who looks like Lenny Bruce, says ominously "you can have one minute."

One band slut is telling the door guard, "We've been riding around with them all day," and something about it being her birthday. She stands very close to the guard at the door. I clutch Hitler's head in my arms. We're suddenly waved through with a "hurry, hurry."

The Ramones look remarkably youthful for a band that's been hitting it hard since 1974 and are just sitting there in the room alone. They still don't look sweaty. They don't look tired. Barely touched, cheese-heavy pizza and a veggie tray are on the tables. I notice more Cokes than beer.

Joey is not around. Tammy zeroes in on her favorite, Johnny, and asks him her interview questions. He says he noticed her taking photos. He doesn't seem to be in a hurry to blow us off. We give him Hitler's head. The 50th anniversay of the Fuehrer's death was that week and there's been a lot of Hitler stuff on television. Johnny says he watched some of it. They graciously give us time to load another roll of film and photograph Johnny with the head.

Now that I've handed the head over, I have nothing to do, so I start eating the Ramones' carrots. The band sluts are ushered in. One tells Johnny it's her birthday. He seems non-commital. Actually, her birthday is tomorrow, and she'll only be the age she is now for 20 more minutes, she says.

I wonder what she's implying, but I'll never know. Maybe for the next 20 minutes, she'll be eating the Ramones' carrots.

Joey, still wearing shades which he wore throughout the show, finally walks in. We walk out. Back downstairs, we spot members of Los 10 Space, Trauma Kamp, the Vapor Rhinos, and Mike Garrett of Single Bullet Theory. It's raining. Something doesn't feel right. I feel like less. I've been with Hitler's head for nine hours and now it's gone. Dinner at Moondance, a Ramones concert. That head was the best date I've had this year. I miss it.

(I dug this story out of the box because a) the last Ramone just died, and b) just this past week, I learned the girlfriend of my friend, Dean, was the band slut who was 20 minutes away from her birthday on May 4, 1995. She told me she has forgiven me for calling her a band slut. I asked her how she got upstairs. She said she knew one of the Ragdolls.)

In Tammy's interview, she is allowed to speak to Johnny only and learns they left Sire Records because they needed a change. They do not want to be playing in 10 years. "Rock'n'Roll High School" ruined their acting careers. They only planned to tour one more year. "We've been doing it for 21 years. That's long enough."

They ask Tammy if she liked the show and she says she was very happy. The year before she was hit by a beer bottle and had a lump on her head for days, but this year, there were no injuries! Johnny doesn't understand why people have to act crazy in the audience. Tammy asks them if fans do strange things to get to them. He says no. "We just go to the van and leave." When on tour, "we sit around and watch TV. Go out to dinner. Nothing much. Go out and see a band once in awhile." Johnny likes 1950s rock and roll. It's Tammy's recollection, that my now new friend the band slut asked Johnny for a birthday kiss.

Photo by Tammy Rosenson

Album Art Circa 1994-1996