When I started the paper in 1994, at first I didn't put a price, then I thought I should mention that it's free. So it said Free for a few issues, but on issue number six, I changed it to Very Free.
From there, I kept going.
Extraordinarily Free
Free if you play “Free Bird”
Free to a Good Home
Free if You’re Got A/C (this was the August issue, of course)
Free if you’re from around here
Free if you like a good beer buzz early in the morning (This one got mentioned in the Times-Dispatch during the Gwar/Flood Zone ruckus as indicative of the depravity of the alternative press.) It is, of course, a lyric from a Sheryl Crow song, "All I Wanna Do."
Cover photos in 1994 were of Jerry Garcia, The Seymores, Fulflej, Dean Owen,
Lovesake, The Ernies, Boy O Boy, Steve Alberts, Mick and the Moondogs, Inertia,
On Edge, Peter Bell, and Gwar.
My full pages sold for $100, and the back page was a prime spot. Those supporting the paper so generously that first year were
King Kong Kases, Peter Headley (paid for by the Committee to
Rename W. Cary Street Peter Headley Boulevard), The Bidder’s Suite, and local country musician Doug Price.
In our second year, I tended to use song lyrics as the modifier for free. Can you match the lyric with the song?
Free if you know the frequency, Kenneth
Free if penguins are so sensitive to your needs
Free if you’re the girl with the most cake
Free if you don’t know how it feels to be me
Free if the dude looks like a lady
Free if she don’t use jelly
Free if it’s good to be king
Free if you’d like to see a little more fat
Free if I kissed a girl
Free because I’m not sorry, it’s human nature
Free if we will get by, we will survive
Free because she’s a sad tomato
Peter Headley, Four Walls Falling, Iggy Pop, The Good Guys,
Suzy Peeples, Bruce Olsen, Peter Headley (again), The Dude of Life, Wrenn
Mangum, Mojo Nixon, The Ramones, Soul Asylum, Frog Legs, Joan Osbourne, Cynthia
Lennon, Dave Matthews, Matthew Sweet, and Eddie Van Halen were our cover stories.
Our back page ads were Don Warner Music, Richmond Music Center (three times), King Kong Kases
(five times!), Metro Sound and Music, and Los 10 Space. Scott Mills of Los 10 Space wanted me to post a photo of his ad.
Volume 3, 1995-96
Free because I've got one hand in my pocket
Free because despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage
Free if you're friends with P
Free because you can't talk to a psycho like a normal human being
Free if you're more human than human
Free because I'm just a girl, yes, I'm some kind of freak
Free so breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out
Free so pour your misery down on me
Free so tell me all your thoughts on God
Free because I've got nothing to believe in except for you
Free but who sucked out the feeling?
Free because we pay our debts on time
Cover stories on Tori Amos, James Taylor, Peter Frampton, Joan Jett, Princess Tone, Janet Martin Band, Gwar three times, Garbage, Serotonin, Ira Marlowe, Jethro Tull, Joan Osborne, Beavis and Butthead, Cold Gin, Dean Owen, Aimee Man, Steve Alberts of Dime Store Hoods, John Richardson of Bullfrog, Used Carlotta, REM
Volume 4, 1996-1997
Free so put your hand in my pocket, grab on to my rocket
Free because I love you so much, it makes me sick, uh-uhhh
Free because I hear the mission bells calling out your name again
Free so swallowed, followed, swallowed, oh no, I'm with everyone and yet not
Free because if it makes you happy, it can't be that bad
Free because I want soup, I want soup
Free because it's been a long time since I've had sweet thistle pie
Free so don't speak, I know what you're thinking
Free so sell out with me tonight
Free because it's a la la la la revolution
Free because I'm one angry dwarf
Free because I might as well be walking on the sun
Cover stories on Kiss twice, Avail, Beau Beau, Used Carlotta, Eileen Edmonds, Car Bomb, Cashmere Jungle Lords, Type O Negative, Janet Martin, Marilyn Mason, Poe, Thelma Shook twice, Dean Owen, Aerosmith, Live, Notam, Regan, In Clover twice, Slack Family, 100th Monkey, Stone Kitchen, Suzy Saxon, Wonder Boy, Dog Psychology, Picasso Jones, Copper Sails, Leon Milmore, Vulva Boy
Volume 5, 1997-1998
Free because look who's perfect now
Free because dogs like trucks
Free because I get knocked down but I get up again!
Free because they killed Kenny
Free because there she was, like double cherry pie
Free like disco lemonade
Free because maybe I'm amazed
Free because I did it my way
Free because we're dressed up in orange
Free because I'm not sick but I'm not well
Free because it's mmm...beefy
Free but no cigars
Cover stories on Mason Mills, Fleetwood Mac, 1.7, Pat Benatar, Bullets from Oz, Carbon Leaf, Superchunk. Then we started doing photo collage covers, then Photoshop covers of local photos dropped into spots of bigger photos of the White House, the Titanic, Frank Sinatra, South Park, and Marilyn Monroe
Volume 6, 1998-1999
Free because it tastes like cherry cola,
Free because I'll be waving my hand watching you drown
Free if you party like it's 1999
Free if you have a ticket for a runaway train
Free because if it ain't eggs, it ain't breakfast
Free because you've got the music in you
Free may the frets be with you
Free if you wear sunscreen
Free if you're living la vida loca
Free if you're sick of Eyes Wide Shut publicity
Free if you're a beautiful stranger
Free if your reality has consequence
Cover photos of Elton John, Marilyn Manson, Bert Morgan, a Spice Girl, Robert E. Lee with a guitar, Teletubbies (All Negative, All the Time, negative news, negative views, we hate you, you stink), Hitler, Easter Peeps smoking, Tommy Rodriguez, Yoda, a package of Trojans (this one caused a big fight with my then boyfriend because I found them in the glove compartment of his truck and we never did it in his truck), Star Trek, John F. Kennedy's plane going down, Jackie Kennedy holding Cartman, and Dave Matthews
Volume 7, 1999-2000
Free if you smell a pig from a mile away
Free because we left Carytown
Free because we're Y2k compliant
Free because it's gooey
Free if you want to be a millionaire
Free if you're my Spanish Harlem Mona Lisa
Free if you're Elian Gonzalez
Free if you fathered Scully's baby
Free if oops, you did it again
Free if you're not so innocent
Free if you were voted off the island
Free if you're going bye, bye, bye
Cover stories celebrated our 7th year of being unsupportive of local music, Bert Morgan, a llama, politicians and Teletubbies, a bare butt (it's not the end of the Music Journal yet issue), dog sniffing a dog's butt, Southern Culture on the Skids, just crazy, assorted, meaningless artwork
Volume 8, 2000-2001
Free if you let the dogs out
Free if you have a hanging chad
Free if she bangs
Free if Eminem wins a Grammy
Free if you're 50 years old (that was me)
Free if you like eating stale peeps (that was for my boyfriend)
Free if you are the weakest link
Free and comes with a tax rebate
Free and I hope you dance
Free if you know where Chandra Levy is
Free if you've been bitten by a shark
Free, and so the world we know changes (9/11 had happened)
Cover photos were Gwar, Frog Legs, Dog Psychology, Dave Matthews, Ultra Bait twice, Rocket 69, Log, the World Trade Center towers
Volume 9, 2001-2002
Still free and starting our 9th year of hatefulness
Free of anthrax and free of price
Free if your guitar gently weeps (George Harrison had died)
Free if you are a confused American taliban
Free if you're a French skating judge
Free if you won an Academy Award
Free as Britney Spears
Free if "The Osbournes" is the best TV show ever
Free if you got a kitten and HBO this month (that must be about me)
Free if your well doesn't dry up (me again)
Free if you pray for Sharon Osbourne
Free because Ozzy won an Emmy
Cover photos were Osama Bin Laden, Bobby Jorgenson, George Harrison (who died), Bill Clinton and Paul McCartney together, Betty Grable, Britney Spears, Tommy Rock, Ozzy Osbourne with his baby, Yoda, a pin up girl, Ozzy and Sharon, the Fighting Irishman
Volume 10, 2002-2003
Free as we begin our 10th year
Free because Anna Nicole is so outrageous
Free if you have weapons of mass destruction
Free if Saddam has weapons of mass destruction
Free if you're the next American Idol
Free if you're embedded with a military unit
Free if you watch Spongebob Squarepants
Free if you voted for Clay (Aiken)
Free if you found Nemo
Free if you were assaulted by an NBA star
Free if you're voting for Arnold
Free if you've got power (this was Hurricane Isabel)
The covers were all collages of photos I had taken that month or people had sent in
Volume 11, 2003-2004
Free if you've kissed Madonna
Free because iTunes rules
Free if you are the Lord of the Rings
Free if Simon thinks you can sing
Free if you're naked before the song is through
Free for Bugboy (Frank Daniel had died)
Free if you're Chandler Bing
Free if you liked John Stevens
Free if you're Spiderman, too
Free if Jimmy Buffett ever has a No. 1
Free if you have a Purple Heart
Free for Swift Boat veterans
Covers were more collages, and too many photos of my husband's bands because that was all I was going to by then.
Volume 12, 2004-2005
Free if you TiVo it
Free if Spongebob is gay
I was doing an issue only once every two months, and then it was over. The last cover was a young band called Zero Hour and the paper was declared "the terminally ill" edition. I carried on a little while longer with web editions you could download as .pdfs as I still had reviewers writing about the CDs we were still receiving, but eventually that ended, too.
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